The other side of tragedy

This is going to sound absurd coming from someone who just lost their husband and love of their life a little over four months ago. Ready? I’m pretty happy with how my life is turning out. 

If you’re pissed by that and don’t have an open mind, go ahead and go back to whatever you were doing. If you’re even the slightest bit curious…hear me out. 

This is, obviously, not the direction that I planned on going with my life. I would undoubtedly prefer to still have my Joshua by my side. 

That being said I have been so blessed in the four short months that have passed since his passing. It used to really piss me off when I saw people say how blessed they were in the face of tragedy. I’m amazed at how much my perspective has changed. Don’t get me wrong, not every day is rainbows and unicorns. Some days are “hurts to breathe, can’t imagine a single second without him” hard. Then there are days like today, where I look around and see all of the amazing things/people that have come into my life and I can’t help but be overwhelmed with (dare I say it?) peace and joy. 

Yep, I’m a grieving widow. But I’m allowed to be happy, too. 

Since I first began being able to open up to others about the battles Josh and I were fighting, I’ve been given some amazing gifts of support. 

Since his passing, I have encountered a whole new level of comfort and strength from others. I have found out who “my people” are and I could not be more grateful to have them all in my life. So many individuals have willingly sacrificed their time, been open to uncomfortable conversations and provided me with a safety net on which to fall whenever I felt the need. 

I have learned who to turn to depending on which need of mine that I need met. It’s such a wonderful thing to have multiple people to turn to in order to fill these roles. I hope to always have a network of people standing behind me. 

I am amazed at the people that have stepped up to be there for me. And eternally grateful for the new people that have quickly and easily assimilated into my life. 

Because of these people and because of my chosen coping method (my blogs, mostly) I have been given amazing opportunities to tell my story, to talk about Josh’s story and to join amazing and strong support networks. 

I feel so lucky and so grateful to be exactly where I am at right now. 

Do I wish my best friend were here with me? Yes. But I have come to terms with the fact that he is gone. At least physically. Spiritually and emotionally I am taking him on this new journey with me. 

I know he is sending these people my way. He was always the best gift giver. 

Thank you, everyone, for exactly who you are in my life right now. I am sorry if I do not always tell you, but I am so appreciative of every text, call, hug (yikes!), Facebook tag, etc. 

I may not have everyone that I want in my life….but I know that I have everyone that I need. And I cannot wait to see who else shows up!

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