Do you really believe that stuff?

I have been struggling recently with…well, a lot of things to be completely honest.

But a lot of what has been running through my head is the whole ethereal world that may or may not exist around us. I know that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions and, believe it or not, this also includes me.

I have been trying to decide what I believe and I think that every day it is probably different.

I can tell you that I WANT to believe that it is real. I find it very hard to imagine that our short time on this world is all that we have. If that is the case, I almost feel as though this life is kind of pointless. Please don’t misinterpret that – I have a lot of wonderful people and amazing opportunities in my life. But if there is nothing bigger than this life, I don’t see the purpose.

I have what I guess you could call a “gut feeling” telling me that there is more to it than just what happens to us between our birth and our death. I feel a strong pull toward the belief that there are connections made outside of our earthly bodies and that our souls (or whatever you want to call it) are sent here to learn lessons, to teach lessons and sometimes even just to “keep an eye” on things. I can’t explain it. And that is supremely difficult for me to grasp.

I am a logical person by nature. Cold, hard facts are why I live and breathe. But there is a part of me, I’d say maybe 20% of me, that relies heavily on instinct and things that cannot be seen but merely felt.

So when I talk to somebody about the spiritual signs that I see or the unexplained feelings that I have and they look at me like I should be institutionalized, I find myself taking a step back and questioning what I told them.

So, I’ve thought a lot about it and I’ve come to a conclusion. Ask me tomorrow and I may have changed my mind, but for today here is what I think:

I frequently wonder if I am just making things up out of an innate desire to still feel connected to Joshua and other lost loved ones. I feel like I’m applying meaning where it doesn’t belong out of pure desperation. I’ve had a few brief, but poignant, discussions about this and while I’m not convinced that I don’t sometimes stretch things a little bit I have decided that it doesn’t matter. I see signs and receive messages when I really need them. If that’s all that I have to get me through the emotional mess that I sometimes find myself in, then so be it.

Anyway, this post is a mess of tangents. My apologies.

A logical person’s reasoning for receiving signs from those who have passed on:

People say that you can’t prove that spirits, etc are real because you can’t see them. Logically, it doesn’t make sense. Well, you can’t see air either, right? And yet the air around us is crucial for our survival. And take a minute to consider that you CAN see the air. When the wind blows, you see the tree branches sway and you can even feel it brush along your face. Why can’t spirit communication happen in the same way? I can SEE the hawks sitting on the light poles on my drive to work. I can FEEL the chills I get when something a little “off” happens and I, without a thought, immediately attribute it to J. I think, at least for me, that is enough proof. At least for today. 😉

If you want another example, I’ll tell you something that happened today. I didn’t sleep well last night, woke up at 12:47 from a nightmare where Josh had faked his death and everyone was in on it and it was a huge prank being played on me. I felt a lot of disgust directed toward me from him. He also managed to get into my bank account and change the log in so I couldn’t even access my own money. It was rough. Anyway, this morning I was driving to work in heavier-than-normal traffic. I was having some uncomfortable anxiety symptoms either left over from the nightmare or as a result of frustration with the traffic or perhaps a combination – who knows. There was a hawk hanging out on a light pole and I told it (seriously, I’m very sane – don’t you talk to your pets? same thing) that I could really use some help. I saw another one a little while later and I just felt like I was being told that I wasn’t alone, that I was okay. Finally I got to work and as I’m walking in a massive hawk flies maybe twenty feet over my head and essentially guides me into the building.

It was my Joshua. He got me to work safely and he wanted to make sure I knew that he would still be around when I needed help.

I will continue to explore my Higher Power and the “invisible” world around us. I welcome your experiences with the spiritual world as well.

And for the non-believers, that is perfectly okay. But can we stop with the “you’re crazy” looks? I’m having a hard enough time truly grasping it myself!

I hope this makes sense.

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