Grief Unscripted

The darkness
The fear
The pain
The sadness
All too familiar visitors
Returning far too soon
They hijack my thoughts
Try to compel me to take action
They yell out “end us now…
…but there’s only one way how”

And I know I don’t want to do that
That is not where I belong
But the screams are getting louder
I’m afraid that I might drown
What can I hold on to?
Where is that hope I once found?
How has it abandoned me?
Am I now all alone?

The walls are caving in
It’s cold and damp with a strange, acidic scent
The monsters that have awoken
Are pulling at my limbs
In my head I scream and kick and fight
But on the outside I am standing still

What is this life I have been given?
Is there any way out?
I keep trudging through each day
But I am feeling weaker now
My strength has all dissolved

Where did my happy ending go?
My knight, my castle, gone
I am back to just a lonely girl
Fighting to be seen again
Dying to be heard

Do you remember me at all?
Can you see what I’ve become?
All the damage has changed me
I’m now feeling only numb

The sadness
The pain
The fear
The darkness

I shall overcome.

© Emily Agruss – 8.8.2017

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