Dear me, You have boundaries. You always have. But you are finally able to see them, feel them, recognize when they are being violated. In the past you have lowered them in order to achieve temporary relief from the “icky” feelings that have lead you to believe that your needs come second to those of … More A letter to my healing soul
I do not know when grief became a competition, but I am really tired of hearing people comparing their grief to another person’s. Grief is not a game. There are no winners. Only losers. We are all grieving because we have already lost. We lost a person, a place, a relationship, a future, etc. We … More Grief is not a game
Since losing my husband, I have been going through a sort of rebirth. I have been trying on different hats, looking for what best fits the person that I am now. I have had some successes. And I have made plenty of errors. But I own every single one of them. I do not know … More Do not judge that which you do not understand
As the days go by, I am trying desperately to make sense of this new life. The widowed life. It’s been almost 14 months and sometimes I still forget that he is gone. Not away for training, not at the fire department, really gone… the forever kind. When I remember that I am a widow, … More A funeral for my former self…
Lately I have found myself in a pretty uncomfortable place. I have become a spectator to my own life.It is taking every ounce of my energy to even participate enough to qualify as “just getting by”. And, to be completely honest, I just do not care. I know that I should be doing (insert various … More Being a spectator to my own life
It’s time to set down the shame. Put it down. Walk away. This is not your burden to bear anymore. And anyone who tries to make you feel as though you are bad person because of the situation you ended up in… well, there is a special place in the afterlife for them. There they … More Set down the shame. Walk away.
I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately about my life. The other day a very strange thought crossed my mind. I remembered the reality of my life in the months before my husband died. I remembered the stress, the unkind words, the overwhelming waves of fear and pain and sadness. I remembered never … More How did I do that?
I am so tired of being censored from telling the truth. I have tried to submit real, honest articles to online platforms only to be given a hotline number and a brief “I’m sorry for your loss”. Nobody wants to talk about the real stuff. It’s not light, it’s not fluffy, there isn’t a trace … More The harsh realities of being widowed
On this day one year ago, we said our final goodbyes to Joshua. I don’t remember much about that day at all. I remember trying to eat a few bites now and again. I remember a lot of hugs and a lot of unbelievably sad faces. I remember a few people saying things I am … More The Final Goodbye
I realize this may not be an overly popular post, but I need to get this out there. Yesterday, driving home, I had a very painful realization sink in. I am no longer married. Of course, logistically, I have known this to be true. Since 8:41PM on September 9, 2016, I have legally been a … More I am not married anymore